I am my biggest fan and follow myself


That’s why I like WordPress, I can follow myself and I haven’t been on a site yet where I otherwise could.  Yes I am aware I am talking to myself.  That’s the gift-what happens in my mind, stays in my mind.  A good coping mechanism when one has lost their marbles and is still hungry, is the imagination.  Oh this came about when……

I realized this morning how serious and quiet, even boring and bitchy I have been lately.  It’s not like I am trying to get out of the responsibility of my actions but do confess book promoting is such a drag.  One month of promoting now and it never occurred to me I could take a break or try and work on my next novel.  Having said that my genius mind has decided under no circumstances can I promote my novel, or I shall turn into an irreversible undertaker professionally.

I say……………….

Shit, I think I just promoted myself.  OK, doesn’t count as I am trying to make excuses for my irritating, irresponsible, isolating, ignorant,  illegal, instigating, intolerable, insensitive, insane, itchy, and intoxicated behavior.  Yes I make myself laugh. I may add quite often, quite hard and for long periods of time. I think I am being tickled from  a nervous breakdown.  So I am here to counteract it with typing some thoughts for the moment, It won’t take long, as I have short term memory lapses.

Not in the telling a funny joke way, actually I never get jokes. But in a OMG kinda way. Difficult to explain and I so wish I was a writer to articulate my funniness or humor suppose is a more classy term. I’m all about class, oozes from me. Yep classy natural humor.

Thank goodness I find myself funny, most don’t. They think I am serious or weird or just don’t understand me, until of course, they get to know me.

That’s when the laughter is expected. Primarily from me. I am trying to think of some examples to demonstrate my hilarious demeanor.

I reckon the Three Musketeers are all doing poems in some fancy uptight format or version? I bet they are not expecting one from me about me [zip it]. Please do not be alarmed that I am talking to myself, I am kinda stuck doing so since ‘You’ [me] make me laugh is written to, about, for, from, well, me.

Well I made up my mind since my minds world got me started. It gave myself permission to publicly make an a**  of myself [quite therapeutic if I do say].  It’s widget time and here’s what I’m thinking *giggles* [no control of bladder sometimes, sorry]

Today I shall be LEGO girl!

May I add that my mother told me; Imagination is said to be intelligence having fun. I like that. Though she said not to share it with people as it cycles too fast and teachers use to think I was trying to get thrown out of class.  Well, unless WordPress has teachers, I feel pretty confident I am safe. If only I could just invent some intelligence, or find where I can buy it? Please advise if you can……… It’s OK your safe, I am not contagious [well there anyways].

Hope you guessed by now what makes me laugh is my own imagination. Good thing people can read my mind cause imagine if they couldn’t

Let’s imagine if…….

  • I had an imagination
  • siamese twins were formerly joined at the lips
  • spin the bottle could only be played by schizophrenics
  • there was a medical devise for reshaping the tongue
  • men used portable urinals-remembering to shake
  • that Britney was my daughter
  • we gave out free earplugs to elephants
  • all hot married men had single twin brothers
  • if I wasn’t so funny
  • if I understood what PSYCHOANALYTICAL meant

And imagine if……….

  • I owned HubPages
  • babies and elders didn’t poop their pants but the rest of us did
  • the dictionary was funny
  • Blowfish were the ones smuggling cocaine through the waterways
  • Google slept, just even once
  • cats could have a drivers licence
  • seahorses discovered another side to the globe
  • we could follow ourselves and leave awesome fan mail all over the net
  • we could buy accolades or trade like hockey cards
  • No one had hair except sunnieday and kimberly gray

And imagine if…………….

  • we could be immature forever
  • we could eat right from our computer screens pictures of food [careful with the fish]
  • Shamoo was a person in real life
  • snakes all had a big nose
  • OMG if I was not so smokin hot
  • The automatic Umbrella doubled as a toiled when turned upside down [what? there are emergencies
  • a vampire bit me, again but 3x now missed the spot
  • if I was a writer
  • all recipes were interactive
  • school principles were not allowed to use their intercoms

And imagine if…………….

  • it was impossible to be famous
  • you could induce an instant orgasm by scratching your head
  • you could create itchy pink dandruff
  • politicians didn’t have artificial hearts
  • parrots could only curse and swear
  • OMG I wasn’t so self-consumed
  • if men wen’t so confusing in bed
  • you could eat your tickles
  • I won some talent
  • our bums were always exposed
  • eating radishes grew hair on men and women’s chests

And imagine if…………….

  • burkas were made of leather
  • I could be of sound mind, and have volume controls
  • Visa was a gift with each bible redeemable at any fast food restaurant
  • the sound of dogs barks were farts and their farts made a bark
  • if I was born a day earlier, how different my life might have been
  • if we all would think alike – bet there would be a lot less humour
  • if we never once had to get up in the morning
  • a new pair of shoes came with every supersize meal
  • SomewayOuttaHere learned to be cool and ride motorcycles
  • the world all became Canadian citizens

And imagine if…………….

  • lineups were illegal
  • I had boobies
  • I was the face on the hundred dollar bill
  • Heaven was at the pick up counter in Starbucks
  • I wasn’t long-winded
  • Police wore tighter pants by 2 sizes
  • the most elite golf courses in the world were in the bronx
  • the duration of pregnancy was 3 hours, 4 with twins
  • only truck drivers had emotions
  • cure for hangovers were somersaults
  • Wayne finally washed his willy
And imagine if……………
  • if spiders wore tap shoes
  • denture glue was a multi-purpose deodorant, and skin cream as well.
  • jellyfish was delicious with peanut butter
  • blogging increased your IQ [start-blog a lot!]
  • superheroes wore trench coats with belts, not capes
  • Denzel Washington proposed to me
  • the playboy mansion was a gift from Hef
  • beautiful brides didn’t get ugly later on
  • colour coded souls so people could see right through you
  • sex was a legal if we kept maintaining the 4x a day law
  • snot did not exist

And imagine if…………….

  • pornography was famous due to the fact the ‘actors’ had to be clothed
  • those scam inheritance emails were real
  • you could make money writing
  • gambling was mandatory for all citizens until the age of 21
  • WordPress also doubled as an ATM machine [get cash from CD slot]
  • WordPress bought each blogger a racehorse of their choice
  • Robert Downey Junior took me out on the ever waiting date in Bermuda
  • a 6 pack really had 7 and the 7th was free
  • there was a huge black market for buying and selling blogs using bookies as they would know how to stay under internet police radar
  • imagine if I kept going ……………………..

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6 responses to “I am my biggest fan and follow myself

  • sunnieday50

    Good Morning Kimberly,
    You made me laugh this morning..giving me much to think about..now I will be thinking all day of things..the what if’s..lol Eating tickles would be awesome..I hope they would be chocolate flavored or maybe a mocha starbucks coffee…
    Wishing you a beautiful day..and by the way..you are very far from boring my creative friend..
    Hugs,
    Sunnie

  • bbnix

    Uh…no….sorry…..I AM, without a doubt, and I’ll challenge anyone to a Tequila drinking, cigar smoking, hill climbing bicycle race, mexican hat dance, to anyone that has a differing opinion….(a little advice: concede, while your ahead…cause, unlike Kimberly, I am a crazy and of mexican/german heritage….nuff said), Kimberly’s biggest fan…

    You, my dearest best friend, are never anything, but perfect, and never, never, just talking to yourself, or alone…….you are, without a doubt, a genius and the most compassionate, hilarious, energetic…most wonderful person on the planet….and I am proud to call you my friend….

  • Mike

    Kimberly, it sounds like you may be your second biggest fan. Hope all is well.

  • Amethyst

    I am laughing, that is great and so is reading what you wrote :). Yep, I smilied!

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